So I was browsing tumblr earlier, and came across this reblog of ways to deal with ADHD. They talked about how one might need a concrete timer instead of an arbitrary one – case in point, a timer counting down is just a number you can ignore, a pot of water boiling has an absolute “finish” point. So when you’re waiting for the water to boil, do the dishes. Or, put on this album (or Spotify playlist for an hour) and work until that stops. Things like that. And as I read the entry, completely fascinated, I realized that some of the suggestions are 100% how I deal with my own unproductivity. I absolutely put on a podcast when I do dishes, and whatever time left after I’m done with dishes (podcast is usually half an hour and my dishes take about 15 min) I use the rest to do other chores. I have an actual timer that beeps at me after a period so I work until it beeps. I use other podcasts for all menial tasks you have to do around the house. If I don’t do these things, chores don’t get done, I don’t work, and all that jazz.
Except I came up with these ways on my own, through trial and error to see what makes me work, without ever even realizing these relate to ADHD. I’ve never been diagnosed, and never thought I had an issue. I thought I was lazier than most people, and since I’m prone to depression, I also put these all on depression and anxiety. I then went on a Google spree about signs of adult ADHD, and, yeah, I do a lot of the things they said ADHD sufferers do. And it has been absolutely devastating to my creative career in that I just can’t get myself to finish things. It’s why my novel’s going at a snail’s pace, and I’m terrible at creative deadlines, and I never seem to get to the end of anything no matter how much I work. I fidget – not a lot, but I do, I realized that now. And they even said having ADHD is connected to anxiety and depression. So, a few boxes got checked. Of course, I can’t really rely on web-diagnosis because, you know, everything’s cancer and all. But it did get me thinking about actually getting diagnosed by a professional.
My therapist told me during my depression treatments that, he’d seen a lot of patients with productivity issues, but none of them were because they were “lazy.” Now I’m definitely over my depression, and am still not progressing as much, so maybe this is why. I talked to my s.o., who has subclinical OCD so he’s no stranger to mental health issues, and he said, maybe it’ll help you. Maybe some medication or other therapy would be the push that you need to get going in your career. And I agree. A little push is all I need, really, and who knows, maybe I’ll end up with a steady supply of Adderall and become super human or something. (Joking, okay? I know it’s addictive.)
Well, everything will have to wait until I get vaccinated, though. Plus, I’m sure if I become pregnant I shouldn’t take any medication regardless, so it’ll be a while before anything happens. I’ll revisit everything in June, probably, at the rate we’re going with vaccinations in our state. The only thing I can do is just keep trucking.