Life

Every Time I Break My Own Rules, I Pay!

Yeah, so remember a while ago I said I’m doing a complete media blackout so I don’t spend time on social media? Especially reddit? Yeah I’ve basically kept up with that on my desktop, but I allowed myself to check reddit when I’m done with work or just relaxing at the end of the day. Well, today I broke the rule, because it’s Saturday and I’ve already gone shopping before noon (a rarity because I can’t get up in the mornings), so I figure I’d relax a bit after lunch before I start work. Uh-huh, guess what happened? I totally got depressed because all of reddit is just filled with negativity. All the posts about how women are always discriminated against and will never make more than men in STEM and business fields. How women writers are usually passed over for male writers when it came to traditional publishing. All the excuses that Asians aren’t discriminated against when in fact, we totally are discriminated against just nobody gave a single shit (media didn’t report on it, no one talked about it on social, etc.) until recently, after Asians folks have been spit on, stomped on, stabbed, murdered, and scapegoated by everyone starting at the very, very top.

Of course, these are reddit posts, filled with astroturfing and people venting and all in all, not exactly the most nuanced place to talk about issues. So yeah, if those statements seem a bit absolute well because on reddit it is. But as an Asian-American woman writer being constantly exposed to these posts it’s very, very depressing. Which is why I told myself to stop going on reddit before I work, because it NEVER puts me in the mood to work. It just makes me go “why bother you’re going to fail always because every aspect of yourself is a negative in this culture!” People say surround yourself with positivity. I never bought that, though, but I think it would do well if I stop surrounding myself with negativity, at least. I made this rule for myself for a reason, you know! Like, I know that breaking the rule is bad, but I did it anyway. It’s like an alcoholic knows alcohol is bad for them but they still are driven toward it. I don’t know why I’m driven toward things that hurt me. It’s better if I run the other way, yeah?

Life · Work

Media Blackout

I’m posting super late because, well, I’ve been kind of super demotivated lately. Starting with the last week of February – I had that weird insomnia episode and everything just kind of went into a haze afterwards. I had zero motivation to do anything, which I’m not proud of. Finally, I got myself motivated enough yesterday since it was the first of the month – a great fresh start, right? Nope! I sat down with the full intention of doing my normal planning and bullet journaling and blogging, only to be sidetracked by a news article. And then it was off to the races! I spent a good hour just browsing news and get demotivated by all the shit that’s going on in the world, and then I got on reddit, and, yeah, it was just a bad spiral all the way down. My plan of doing any work went to nil. And the day was wasted, with me being super upset to boot.

Well, because of all that, I’ve decided this month I’m going to put myself on a media and social media blackout. I will be completely blocking click-baiting sites like cnn.com, and of course no access to reddit or twitter or other forum-like places. (I do not have an active facebook, so at least there’s that.) I, however, will allow myself to look at npr.org, because I found that I can read NPR articles and stop at 1 or 2 articles, because their headline is factual and non-sensationalist. Because of that, I can read a report, get the info, and then go back to work. If it was CNN I’d be continuously clicking titles and skimming the barebones article and then immediately move on to the next one. Their marketing and clickbaiting works! So I’m going to cut myself off from going to that website at all. Ditto for reddit and other social media sites. It’s one thing if there’s amusing content, it’s another that, 4 out of 5 times, I leave feeling stressed, anxious, and upset. And that impacts my creativity so much. (I also give leeway to covid vaccine news, but I go straight to my state’s dashboard for that, so no clicking anything there).

I successfully blocked myself from these distractions today, and lo and behold, I’m finally beginning to get myself back into work-mode. Still didn’t write anything creatively, but at least I’m blogging, and journaling, and doing something productive for my mental health. I’m hoping I’ll return to writing tomorrow. At least a little bit. I can fill my time not doomscrolling with reading or playing a video game. Speaking of reading, I really need something lighthearted and fun for this month. I would like to keep up the habit, too. Well, I guess that’s the next goal.