Life

The Light at the End, Maybe

Well hello peoples. My, can you believe it’s September 1? It felt like an eternity since I last blogged. Partly because I’ve finally gone through the final, man-controllable step in my IVF journey, and so it feels like a huge hurdle cleared. Partly because, well, every day since March feels like forever, doesn’t it? (And the smidgen of hope that is November is another eternity away.)

But anyway, I’m going to talk about what has been happening with me. So I finally had the embryo transfer done last week! The whole process was an ordeal, but not really painful or anything. They had me taken a valium instead of any anesthesia, as they didn’t have to cut anything. Basically an embryo technician took out the chosen embryo in the petri dish, showed me to make sure it was mine (everything’s double checked by multiple people), suck it into a syringe thing, which then went through a catheter that my doctor had already inserted into my uterus, and then it got implanted inside guided by another technician with an ultrasound machine (you know, the kind they use over a pregnant lady’s belly to see blurred image of the baby). It was only uncomfortable because I had to have a full bladder for this to work best, so I was just trying so hard not to pee while they do the procedure. And boy, the lady who operated the ultrasound was like the most cheerful person ever haha. She was so gung ho about it and optimistic and everything (my doctor was too, of course). It really felt like they were really cheering for you to have this baby, you know? Especially since my husband couldn’t be in the room because of Covid (normally he would be.) I was very sad that he missed the whole thing, because yeah, so technically I was just watching a tiny cell in a petri dish on a tv screen becoming a shiny spot on the grainy ultrasound imaging screen after, but somehow it was so emotional. Like, I was watching life potentially happen! Not gonna lie, I totally cried afterwards (you needed to lie down for 15 min post procedure), feeling all emotional and wishing my husband was next to me. Well, until I had to get up because my bladder was about to burst and ran to the bathroom as soon as I was able. At least I got pictures to show him.

I wish I could say that everything was just an anxious wait after. But it’s not. Why? Well, I’m seriously in so much pain that I didn’t even think much about the pregnancy test at all. So I had to do these progesterone shots to help with pregnancy. They’re suspended in oil and you have to inject them in your butt cheeks every day with a pretty damn long needle. And the shots are so goddamn painful! My whole buttocks and upper thigh swelled up to twice its size after the first couple of days – so much that I couldn’t fit into my normal underwear and had to co-opt my husband’s boxers instead. I could only take Tylenol, which is not great for baby’s development, so I try not take it as much as possible. Also, they recommended bed rest for 48 hours post-op and I totally understand why. I couldn’t keep my eyes open, because the swelling was so painful that it interfered with my sleep. I couldn’t lie down properly, couldn’t sit properly, and had absolutely no energy for a solid week after. It’s why I didn’t blog anything, because I couldn’t sit for more than half an hour on my computer chair without getting completely wiped out. As the days dragged on it got better by tiny increments. I can sit more or less ok now, and the swelling had gone down to a half of what it was before, but I still looked bloated as heck and the pain is not going away. I seriously cannot imagine another full 8-12 weeks of daily progesterone shots after this. I may have to, at some point, ask my doctor if we could switch to a different method. Like right now I couldn’t walk properly and stairs (yes, my house has lots of stairs) are a nightmare still.

Well, I’m going in for the first pregnancy blood test tomorrow, bright and early. I hope everything turns out positive, because otherwise I just suffered two weeks of the shots for nothing, we’re down one embryo, and we have to do everything again. But let’s try optimism, yeah? Everything’s out of my hands now, so let’s just take a deep breath and hope for the best.

Cheers!

Life

Health Update

I interrupt my Good Mondays post to bring a health update. I just had a doctor’s appointment this morning, and it looked like I won’t be moving on to the next step just yet. Doctor said my hormones are a still a bit low, so I have to keep taking medication for another week before I have to go back in and get reassessed, and then perhaps we can move on to the next step. Not ideal but, hey, at least it’s going in the right direction!

What I don’t like about these visits the most is that I have to get bloodworks done right afterwards, and that means I have to spend about an extra hour waiting in line at the labs. I don’t feel as safe there, although they closed the usual waiting room and moved some seats out to the hallway outside. But there’re a lot of foot traffic and a lot of people just standing around waiting too. It’s a large hallway but still. I’m wearing an N95 mask yet it still makes me nervous, you know? I wish they have a speaker outside the building or something, that way I can hear my number being called while waiting in an outdoor space, even though I probably have to stand out in the sun for an hour. But it beats inside with inside air, and I do have some pretty strong sunscreen.

Covid’s making me pretty paranoid, especially with repeat hospital visits. Well, at least we have plenty of hand sanitizers and Clorox wipes – silver lining of getting up early for doctor appointments; we can get to Target early before they sell out their limited stock for the day.

Life

Surgery Recovery, and the Next Steps

Alright, so my surgery went well, however, it took me longer to recover than I thought I would, hence the rest of my July kind of was a wash because I was too tired to do much for a long time aside from getting out of bed. But it’s August now, and I’ve completely recovered from all the fatigue and the mental fogginess, and am more motivated to work than I’ve been for a long time, so I guess that’s a win?

I have more surgery and Covid testing to do this month. And more drugs to inject (no, not illegal ones, but hormonal ones to prep for the surgery) and to take. And testing and so on and, yeah, still not fun. But hopefully at the end of everything I will be pregnant with a healthy baby. Boy, sometimes you really wonder why when it came to me shit is so complicated and hard when for other people it’s like, op, done, pregnant from having fun instead of so many goddamn medicine and blood-drawing and surgery and tons and tons of money spent, all on top of being terrified of going into a hospital setting during the current pandemic climate. But them’s the breaks, so I guess I can be sad and complain or be excited and just, follow the roadmap and hope for the best. You know to be honest I kind of was excited for one moment that other day, which I did not expect. I also did give myself a pep talk all month of July and so I’m right now relatively calm instead of anxious. I’ll take that for a good start in August.

I will definitely post more about my health and such on this blog. Along with other things, because I actually feel motivated with writing right now. Everything is melting down outside because of the stupidity of, uh, a lot of people, and I’m just sitting here thinking, well, things can always get worse so better just take it one day at a time and be thankful that the world is not quite on fire today, and seize the moment. Kinda morbid, really, but for some reason I’m not that emotional about it. I think my head gave up on worrying at some point and just went ‘fuck it’ and that’s why I’m feeling pretty centered and okay. Let’s hope this keeps up, and of course, everyone, stay safe and health, alright? Wish y’all the best.

Life

Covid Testing, Me

Well, my surgery is tomorrow and I got myself Covid tested today. Still waiting for the results and the subsequent call from the surgery center confirming that the procedure can happen tomorrow. I hope so; I should test negative since I have no symptoms, neither does my husband, and we both have been doing as much shelter in place as possible since March. But it is getting late in the day and still no calls, so I’m getting a teensy bit worried. Oh well, not much to do but wait.

Covid testing was not fun. I got the up the nose really deep kind. I already had a bit of sinus issue from…I have no idea what haha. I’m guessing dry weather? Anyway, my nasal passage area isn’t doing well, and sticking a thin needle up there for 10 seconds does not help matters. No, it did not feel like your brain’s getting scooped out – it doesn’t go anywhere near that. It just felt exactly like the nurse told me: a tool touching the innermost part of your nose where it affects your nose, throat, and ear. My left ear ached for a while after, and my nose was running and my eyes were watering and it’s been a few hours since then and I’m still feeling wonky inside my left nostril. Ugh. They told me that false positives are less than 1%. Well, I hope I don’t have it. I really don’t want to do this again in two weeks or whenever (except I probably will have to because I have another surgery coming up and, yeah…) And if I somehow test positive, uh, that’s the most lucky (?) result then since I definitely gave it to my husband if that’s the case, but we’re both asymptomatic? I seriously doubt that. Anyways, let’s just hope they call me soon.