For the first time in a long while, I am NOT doing NaNoWriMo this November. So much had happened in the past couple of months that I’m still slowly recovering emotionally, there’s no way I can try to focus on writing anything even semi-literate right now. I have been seeing my therapist, and he said that I had a major depressive episode due to outside sources (so it’s not just a general depressive state caused by my own mind, but actual events that had happened), and it looks like I’m clawing my way out of it, but it’ll take time. I suppose that’s good news. Anyway, I’m sure for the rest of the year my productivity will be crap on top of these past horrible two years. Pandemic really messes with people, huh?
As part of me slowly trying for normal, I’m going to blog here again. I’m sorry I was gone for so long, but really, it’s unavoidable, IMO. So much crappy things had happened that I would love to recount every horrible detail, because if I could do that without crying it means I’m getting over them. Well, maybe getting over is too harsh a word – more like moving past them slowly so I can go back to being a functional adult. And isn’t that all we want? Trying to be a functional adult? Nobody told me it’d be this hard when I was a kid. I don’t really miss my childhood, but I gotta say at least things had definitive goals and I had definitive steps to get there. Now? It’s all a haze.
(Off topic, but I’m not a big fan of WordPress’s new interface. What they had before was better. It was cleaner and the text less cramped and is there a way for me to make it so everything isn’t so compact? It’s not the text size’s problem but more about its spacing. Geez, gone for two months and even your blogging UI decides to change on you.)
Anyway, I’m not doing NaNo and it feels kind of weird. The community aspect had always been my favorite, and this year I’m just completely ignoring the whole thing. I won’t even have a temporary icon with the badge on it! It’s a small thing but that always made me very happy, like I’m part of something cool and greater (yeah only writers think NaNoWriMo is cool, right? I mean not even all of us – I’ve met folks in my MFA who thought the whole thing’s kind of absurd haha). I think ever since the site rebranding it’s less, I don’t know, distinct? In that you can basically do your own NaNo anytime with your own trackers and stuff. So does it really have to be in November? I could probably have a “make-up” NaNo in January if I want. I might do that.
I’m going to stop here. When I’m more up for it I will tell you what happened to me in the past few months. It’s not pretty, but it needs to be said, by me, so I can maybe count that as a way to cope and move past them.