Welp, I did not meet my goal of 4 hours yesterday, and probably won’t today either. It’s my fault, definitely, but I’ve been having trouble sleeping these few days because I’ve kind of been binging on bad news about Omicron. Yes, again, I know that’s bad for you and you shouldn’t read the news, especially on reddit, nowadays. But I did. And so I’m paying for the consequence of sleepless nights, really late wake-ups, and more worrying when it’s prime time to work. It’s a bad cycle.
In addition, I’m just sitting here looking at my document and characters, and thinking over and over how I don’t know anything about anyone, and I’m a terrible writer, and all kinds of self-doubt things. It’s stressful af I’m telling ya lol. The one small silver lining is that I am sitting down and looking, every day, despite it breaks me out in cold sweats. So maybe like, after a week or two I’ll get slightly less freaked out from exposure? I mean, my characters aren’t going to contribute to my stress, which is the difference between my writing and a forum where all kinds of random people can say things that add on to my stress. (Which is why I should ban reddit from all my devices not just my work computer, but alas, I sometimes like to read it for cute things.) I’m hoping me sitting here every day feeling inadequate would become me sitting here not feeling as inadequate in a month or two. Or at least tomorrow I’ll feel a smidge less inadequate than today. Sounds like coping but a couple of therapy exercises my psychologist assigned me seemed to utilize the same trick. So maybe it’ll work.
The key is just to keep going. So here I go sitting and stressing about how stupid my characters and me are for another few hours before giving up and going to sleep. And repeat the same thing tomorrow. And maybe I can snatch five or ten minutes here and there to work in between hyperventilating, which eventually will lead to less hyperventilating. Then, uh, I don’t know. Let’s get through this week first.