And It Begins Again

I’m starting IVF again. Yep, more hormones, painful shots, expenses that insurance doesn’t cover, the whole nine yards. I’m doing a “mock cycle” right now, to prep for a biopsy on Monday. Basically they want to measure that the condition of the uterus is where it should be given the amount of medication I’m on. If it’s not, then they’d adjust the day when implantation happens. Maybe I just have super low hormones so the usual length or dose of medication is just not enough, so they’d wait for it go up longer before trying implantation. Or everything is the way it should be and I just can’t get pregnant easily, even if an embryo is implanted directly in the uterus. In that case it’s just a constant trial and error until I run out of embryos. Fun.

Either way, I’m expecting this whole thing to be over in the next year or two. By then I’d have exhausted all possibility and we’d have to look into adoption. It’s fine, just another huge money pit. But in the meantime let’s just stay hopeful, I guess. I personally am not optimistic, but the main thing this time is to stay calm. Being anxious 24/7 is not good for any pregnancy, let alone a difficult one. So I’m just going to try to stay as calm as I can while being all on kinds of artificial hormones. As of today I have started the painful progesterone shots again. Ugh, but a least this time it’s only for a few days until the biopsy, and I have some ways to try to deal with it. It’s going to be bad, but you know, eventually you get used to it. It’s kind of like how people keep asking someone who’ve survived a tragedy “how do you get through that?” You, uh, are kind of forced to by being alive still? I mean life doesn’t stop just because you’re in pain, so the only thing you can do is just do what you need to and know, at least in my case, that the pain will go away.

And Advil. Lots and lots of Advil. Until I’m actually pregnant, then it’s Tylenol. Modern pain meds are a marvel.