Life

Insurance. Ye Gods.

I spent a good chunk of this morning calling insurance. Why? Well, it looks like my lifetime limited coverage of infertility issues have run out, so nowadays every single one of my visit with my doctor (and the subsequent ultrasound) would cost me 800+ dollars per. Yeah…. I’ve been trying to see if I can get it coded a bit differently, especially this time when I’m not actually doing an embryo transfer but just a biopsy. If it’s just billed as regular ob/gyn it would be covered. I’m not holding out much hope, though. It’ll be another few weeks before anything is final, so I’m not paying a cent right now. Even if it’s not covered I’m going to see if I can negotiate the bill down or something. Also, I’m going to ask my doctor to see what is the minimum number of visits I can do before an embryo transfer (this procedure has never been covered by any insurance so it’s about $2500 each time.) If I only have to come in once then at least I can minimize my cost so each cycle would roughly cost me $5000. Otherwise it seems very insane.

Before you go on rage about America’s utter lack of universal healthcare, I don’t think any country’s insurance covers infertility treatments. If you’re a woman who’s infertile then your option of getting a baby is basically get rich and pay up. Them’s the breaks, yeah? This is why we set aside a very significant amount of savings to try to do this. Also why I’m definitely going to be looking for a job later this year. Well, part of the reason, mostly it’s because my book is killing me yo! But that’s a topic for another time.

Anyways, spending a long time talking to insurance and billing is not a fun way to spend a morning. Add to that my derrière really hurts from the progesterone shots right now, I’m close to just giving up today on other work and just play the Sims haha. But I can’t, because that would be counterproductive to my goals. I might take a painkiller though. I wonder if Tylenol will even help.

Life

And It Begins Again

I’m starting IVF again. Yep, more hormones, painful shots, expenses that insurance doesn’t cover, the whole nine yards. I’m doing a “mock cycle” right now, to prep for a biopsy on Monday. Basically they want to measure that the condition of the uterus is where it should be given the amount of medication I’m on. If it’s not, then they’d adjust the day when implantation happens. Maybe I just have super low hormones so the usual length or dose of medication is just not enough, so they’d wait for it go up longer before trying implantation. Or everything is the way it should be and I just can’t get pregnant easily, even if an embryo is implanted directly in the uterus. In that case it’s just a constant trial and error until I run out of embryos. Fun.

Either way, I’m expecting this whole thing to be over in the next year or two. By then I’d have exhausted all possibility and we’d have to look into adoption. It’s fine, just another huge money pit. But in the meantime let’s just stay hopeful, I guess. I personally am not optimistic, but the main thing this time is to stay calm. Being anxious 24/7 is not good for any pregnancy, let alone a difficult one. So I’m just going to try to stay as calm as I can while being all on kinds of artificial hormones. As of today I have started the painful progesterone shots again. Ugh, but a least this time it’s only for a few days until the biopsy, and I have some ways to try to deal with it. It’s going to be bad, but you know, eventually you get used to it. It’s kind of like how people keep asking someone who’ve survived a tragedy “how do you get through that?” You, uh, are kind of forced to by being alive still? I mean life doesn’t stop just because you’re in pain, so the only thing you can do is just do what you need to and know, at least in my case, that the pain will go away.

And Advil. Lots and lots of Advil. Until I’m actually pregnant, then it’s Tylenol. Modern pain meds are a marvel.

Life

Might As Well Call This Another Adventure in ADHD

Okay, so. I talked about the book I read on coping with ADHD before and how effective it actually is in fundamental ways to help me navigate life. In one chapter the narrator said that sometimes an ADHD person get stuck on one, seemingly insignificant step in the process of tackling a large project, which could end up derailing progress for days, weeks, months. I think she used an example of someone putting away mail and got stuck on exactly where to put a postcard/birthday card because it required many steps to sort out. To a non-ADHD person it would seem like a non-issue; put that thing down somewhere else and move on to other things in the pile. But to ADHD folks they either just freeze completely or put it somewhere and never pick it up again and so the large project will never be completed either. I thought, huh, don’t think I’ve had that experience, and continued on.

Well, now I have just realized that I had a similar thing happen to me last night! (Definitely not the first time this thing happened to me just the first time I mentally acknowledged it’s currently happening.) So one of my big projects in July is to completely sort out my medical records and clean the dining table which is half-covered in all sorts of medical things due to IFV and multiple surgeries. (And after that‘s done is when I can actually tackle the humongous pile of junk/unsorted mail hidden beneath the coffee table but that’s another thing entirely.) I already have some medical things sorted in a folder in a cabinet, along with taxes, old work records, things like that. My plan was to sort out those old folders and then start putting the new stuff away. Well, let’s just say I’ve been not sorting out those old folders for months. Kept on putting them off, and because there’s seemingly no folders to put the new stuff in, I didn’t organize anything, and the pile on my dining table just kept getting bigger.

And so, in a sudden epiphany while having dinner last night, my brilliant brain came up with a conclusion of JUST GO BUY MORE FOLDERS! If I need folders to put the stuff in, but currently they’re all used up, obviously the solution is to just acquire more fucking folders! I can’t believe I literally wasted months not starting on this project because I cannot make the leap from lacking folders to buying more. If I want to organize the old stuff first before tackling the new stuff, but the new stuff is getting out of hand, then it’s okay to just organize the new stuff first and then incorporate the old stuff into it! Old stuff is not getting bigger by the day, after all. I talked to my husband about this and I was like, what would you say if I came to you with this problem? He was like, well, I have hoarder tendencies so the minute I realize stuff is spilling out existing containers my go-to solution is buy more containers instead of actually organizing or throwing stuff away. I was like that does not help in the long run and he’s like, well, yeah but the room you want cleaned will be clean. Anyway, had I asked him this months earlier, when I was first stuck, then his answer would’ve probably prompted my brain to think BUY MORE FOLDERS!! sooner and we won’t be in this mess now still.

So I went on Amazon today and bought some nice thick folders. There’s my weekend planned out – cleaning! Hopefully my brain doesn’t come up with new ways to derail me, but I have faith. Have to at this point. Christ.

Life

Good Mondays – Reunions

Today I want to celebrate all the reunions and gatherings – family, friends, people you haven’t seen in over a year because of the pandemic – that are happening now. I saw my family during my trip to Hawaii, and a few friends came down from Nor Cal to meet up with the rest of us So Cal gang for the first time in a year. I’ve done more social things these past few weeks than I’ve done since 2019, and I think it’s something to be cheerful about. (This is a lot coming from an extreme introvert.) It also coincided with the Fourth of July weekend, so celebrations all around!

The Hawaii trip was very, very relaxing. It was so great seeing my parents. They both got more white hair than I last seen them, and it’s such a stark reminder that they’re indeed growing older every day. It makes me want to visit them more, which also reminds me that I need to call my family in China more, too. They’re doing okay, I guess? My grandma is still hanging on despite being very sick for a very long time, which I consider a miracle. I’m not sure if I would be able to see her though, because right now to go to China as an American citizen is pretty much impossible. With my mom though I hopefully will visit her in half a year or so. Preferably after all the insane airline prices go down (and the South not have a winter Covid outbreak). Family is so important and I did not realize how much I missed them until this very prolonged time of no visitation. Will definitely keep that in mind in the future.

As for my friends, well, everybody’s vaccinated, everybody’s happy to see everybody else, so just drunken parties all around haha. Okay, not really, but we did meet up at a nice bar with a beach view and threw down some cocktails and beers. In August I will be driving up to Nor Cal to attend a friend’s wedding. They were supposed to have it last year in June but, you know, lockdowns and Covid. So they’ve pushed it to August of this year. I imagine it’ll be a small gathering? I’m not sure. Anyways, I now need to buy more clothes because I don’t think I have anymore formal clothes that fit haha. Or lose like 10 lbs in a month and a half, so, I think buying new things is a more feasible endeavor.

So for everyone out there who hasn’t seen family yet, or still couldn’t due to various reasons, I wish you a happy reunion in the future. For everyone already seeing friends, carry on! We deserve some partying as we emerge from this awful year.