Life

And We March On in Small Steps

I had my first pregnancy ultrasound on Monday. At this point I’m only at week 5 and this one basically was to confirm the embryo had actually implanted in the uterus and not ectopic, which was exactly what I was afraid of ever since my positive pregnancy test. My doctor was out sick – I hope she didn’t catch Covid!! – and so another doctor came in her place. I’ve met her before and she helped with one of my previous procedures – I actually don’t quite remember what; there’s been so many things I had to go through this past year that a lot had blended all together. Sidenote, I probably should actually recall this entire year as much as I can and write it down in my journal. Not because I want to publish a memoir or anything like that, but to get me pregnant was such a long process and a huge chunk of my life that I think it deserves an actual, thoughtful write-down.

Anyway, everything looked on track on the ultrasound, although it was too early for detecting a heartbeat. I asked the doctor if the baby was alive and she said, well, right now we can’t tell, but all the measurements seem to be okay so I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Yeah, telling me not to worry totally would keep me from worrying, uh-huh. I will try, though; pregnancy is such a long and hard and stressful road, I really don’t know how people did it. The miracle of aggregate numbers, yeah?

I will go back next week for another ultrasound to see if there’s a heartbeat. God I hope so. I dread counting the days but every day feels like a year, on top of the whole Covid situation. Will 2020 ever end? Like seriously.

Well, it is what it is, right? Fretting does me no good, and I think blogging in general is healthy, so I’m going to try not to fret and also post more here. Like I said before, when I get stressed/nervous I just stop writing, period, which is probably the exact wrong thing to do to relieve stress. So I’m going to post more here, and write more altogether. God knows I need to finish my novel before the baby comes because, well, because! At least it’s a good 7+ months away. Come on, I gotta get myself into shape, both physically and mentally, so I can live like a responsible adult again.

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