Life

Health Update

I interrupt my Good Mondays post to bring a health update. I just had a doctor’s appointment this morning, and it looked like I won’t be moving on to the next step just yet. Doctor said my hormones are a still a bit low, so I have to keep taking medication for another week before I have to go back in and get reassessed, and then perhaps we can move on to the next step. Not ideal but, hey, at least it’s going in the right direction!

What I don’t like about these visits the most is that I have to get bloodworks done right afterwards, and that means I have to spend about an extra hour waiting in line at the labs. I don’t feel as safe there, although they closed the usual waiting room and moved some seats out to the hallway outside. But there’re a lot of foot traffic and a lot of people just standing around waiting too. It’s a large hallway but still. I’m wearing an N95 mask yet it still makes me nervous, you know? I wish they have a speaker outside the building or something, that way I can hear my number being called while waiting in an outdoor space, even though I probably have to stand out in the sun for an hour. But it beats inside with inside air, and I do have some pretty strong sunscreen.

Covid’s making me pretty paranoid, especially with repeat hospital visits. Well, at least we have plenty of hand sanitizers and Clorox wipes – silver lining of getting up early for doctor appointments; we can get to Target early before they sell out their limited stock for the day.

Life

Good Mondays – Pens

Alright let’s start our official Good Mondays post – where I post something that makes me happy (and hopefully the happiness is contagious? ahaha bad word choice but you know what I mean) so I can get through the rest of the week. Or more like a daily gratitude post – thankful for small things, but weekly – anyways I should just get on with the topic, yeah? Today – pens!

More specifically – gel pens! So you know from my past posts that I do bullet journal religiously. I mostly use fountain pens with it, and they’re great, but lately I’ve been bitten by the ‘more color all the time’ bug and changing ink every time is a huge hassle. I actually don’t own any colorful pens – it’s either expensive fountain pens or cheap plain black BICs, so I thought, let’s go to the middle and buy some nice gel pens, eh? I kinda went on a shopping spree and bought a bunch different ones to test out. I’m a sucker for muted colors, I found, so sepia, various “colored” blacks (that also sounds bad, but I just meant like red-tinged black, blue-tinged black, etc.), deep green and navy and aubergine and etc. They just look very…calm and centered? Without being boring. And god knows we all need some calmness right now.

I got three separate sets: the Staedtler Triplus Fineliner in Summer Festival, the Uni-ball Signo UM-151 in Off-black, and the Zebra Sarasa Push Clip in Vintage Color 2. They’re all slightly different thickness but all write very smoothly. It’s funny, because I’m trying to consolidate and streamline my life but ended up dividing things into categories anyway, like with these pens. I was totally just going to use them interchangeably for everything, but found myself delegating the Zebra ones to writing long journal entries, the Staedtler ones to daily logging, and the Uni-ball to everything else. I think it’s mostly because the Zebra ones are thicker, therefore more comfortable to hold, and so best suited for when I need to write for an extended amount of time. And it really tells me something about my psyche when I’m drawn to the yellows in all the sets first. Yellow is a happy color, and I could definitely use some pick-me-ups, so my notebooks are just swamped with bright and cheery colors now.

It’s kind of silly to be so happy over such mundane things like a set of pretty gel pens. And even sillier that so far my happy things are all stationary products haha. Well, these are abnormal times, folks. Normally I’d be ecstatic over going to a good restaurant or watch a good movie or going to a good concert – none of which are possible right now and probably for many months to come. I know people have been going to bars and restaurants regardless, but I need to be extra safe because of my upcoming medical procedures. I guess obsessively recording and organizing my life is a way for me to cope with the stress, so pardon me while I celebrate tiny things like a smooth-writing pen on thick, none-feathering paper. And if the color yellow reminds me of sunshine and brings a smile to my face, then everything is working as intended, and I’m only thankful that such small gestures are actually enough.

Life

Surgery Recovery, and the Next Steps

Alright, so my surgery went well, however, it took me longer to recover than I thought I would, hence the rest of my July kind of was a wash because I was too tired to do much for a long time aside from getting out of bed. But it’s August now, and I’ve completely recovered from all the fatigue and the mental fogginess, and am more motivated to work than I’ve been for a long time, so I guess that’s a win?

I have more surgery and Covid testing to do this month. And more drugs to inject (no, not illegal ones, but hormonal ones to prep for the surgery) and to take. And testing and so on and, yeah, still not fun. But hopefully at the end of everything I will be pregnant with a healthy baby. Boy, sometimes you really wonder why when it came to me shit is so complicated and hard when for other people it’s like, op, done, pregnant from having fun instead of so many goddamn medicine and blood-drawing and surgery and tons and tons of money spent, all on top of being terrified of going into a hospital setting during the current pandemic climate. But them’s the breaks, so I guess I can be sad and complain or be excited and just, follow the roadmap and hope for the best. You know to be honest I kind of was excited for one moment that other day, which I did not expect. I also did give myself a pep talk all month of July and so I’m right now relatively calm instead of anxious. I’ll take that for a good start in August.

I will definitely post more about my health and such on this blog. Along with other things, because I actually feel motivated with writing right now. Everything is melting down outside because of the stupidity of, uh, a lot of people, and I’m just sitting here thinking, well, things can always get worse so better just take it one day at a time and be thankful that the world is not quite on fire today, and seize the moment. Kinda morbid, really, but for some reason I’m not that emotional about it. I think my head gave up on worrying at some point and just went ‘fuck it’ and that’s why I’m feeling pretty centered and okay. Let’s hope this keeps up, and of course, everyone, stay safe and health, alright? Wish y’all the best.