Falling Off

Welp, this went sideways.

I was all gung-ho about working my butt off, and I did at the beginning of the month. Making my goals for Camp NaNoWriMo and then some. And then things just began to fall apart around me. Stuff in the house keeps on breaking, people keep on getting sick, one of the neighboring house’s fire alarm keeps going off (it’s been empty for a while, so it took forever for someone to come and fix it), all distractions that needed to be taken care of RIGHT NOW and, yeah, completely fell of the wagon of productivity. Yuck!

As of today I have officially finished taking care of everything that needs to be taken care of in the house for now. Except vacuuming the floors again because workers have been in and out the past few days fixing various crap. So, maybe, today, I can get back to work. You know I feel like summer’s over already because of all the shit and I haven’t been working diligently, when, really, we’re still in the middle of it and I’ve, realistically, got some time still. You know how time just goes by super slow and super fast at the same time and you’re like omigod the year’s over when it’s literally only halfway over but you feel like 2020 is just around the corner? No? Just me? Well, at least I can “get back in the groove” now, so to speak. Hopefully.

I did see my psychologist and he gave me some tip on tacking pesky life chores without going into a tizzy. Practice makes perfect, I say. Ugh.


Have You Ever

Have you ever had one of those days when you just hate everything? I’m not trying to be teenage dramatic, I meant it in the way that your job had gone to the toilets lately, you had home/kids/chores/relationship issues that you just had to deal with right now, your neighbor decided to throw a party until 3 am last night and then you got woken up by a car alarm at 7 this morning – stuff like that. You had barely opened your eyes and there was already a colossal headache and you were just done before the day even started.

I had a morning like this. There was nothing in the day to look forward to and the thought of getting out of bed was making me ill. So I didn’t. I mean, I tried to get out of bed but after I brushed my teeth I just fell right back onto the covers and lay there and didn’t move. It’s probably because I had less sleep last night (not because of neighbors or anything, I was too anxious to fall sleep right away), so I was feeling tired/groggy/gross. As I lay there I finally thought, fuck it, just let me do nothing for a few hours and take the morning off. I’ll start work later in the afternoon and maybe work later into the night if I have to, but this morning is just not going to cut it.

So I did. Did nothing until after lunch, which was about 2 pm or so. And now I feel refreshed and ready for work! It’s a good surprise. I was terribly afraid that I wouldn’t want to work at all once the morning passed, that I’d just do nothing all day because of whatever. I’m very glad that had not happened. This is a bit of a twist from the usual doom and gloom I spew on this blog. Now I know for a fact that if I just take a good breather whenever I feel overwhelmed I can overcome it enough to be productive again, later. It gives me a slight hope for the future.


Camp NaNo July!

Well, it’s July and Camp NaNoWriMo time again! For this month my goal is in hours, just like back in April. I found that setting out a specific number of hours to work a day gets me better results than word counts, and that if I think “okay just one more hour to go” its more motivating than other kind of arbitrary encouragements. I also find that I tend to severely underestimate how long it takes to do something. It’s so weird, I feel like I never do enough because I never get to where I originally planned, but I think it’s because I always think I work twice as fast as I actually do. Or rather, I want to work twice as quickly as I am right now, and I need to seriously accept the fact that, well, my speed is twice as slow in reality. Otherwise it’s really hindering my productivity.

My Camp goal back in April was just at least an hour a day, so a total of 30 hours then. I did that because I had a slump and wasn’t sure how fast I can get back on my feet in writing. I’ve set the July goal to the same – 31 hours total – but now I’m pretty sure I’ll blow past it in the first week haha. So I might change it to 100 hours. But ah! I just said I tend to estimate twice as much as reality, so maybe 50 hours for now? I know 50 hours in a month is nothing – definitely not job-hour sufficient. But, like I said, I’ve been going in and out of mild depression these few months again, so maybe try to take it a little bit easy? I don’t know. At least 50 hours is a good thing. If I keep up by mid-month I’ll change it to 100 hours. Yes, I know it’s still nothing – there are people who are forced to work 100 hours a week. Well those situations are unhealthy and abusive! Let’s just set this month’s total as 100 hours and raise it to 150 next month (just because Camp NaNo’s over doesn’t mean my job is over) if I manage to keep it up.